The Birth Stone.

An alternative to the male semen has been found in Arklow, County Wicklow yesterday. It has proved to give a faster birth and no need to orgasm. It’s called “The Birth Stone”.

The stone’s spokeswoman, Fanny Mc Gee, said “All ya haf ta dooo, is ta shove i’ up yer pisser and den 9 minutes later ye give birth. The only problem is dat many of de women find breast feedin’ difficult with dis method of, ya know, makin’ babies. Oh yeah, after 9 minutes, ye give birth ta a baby stone, exactly the same size and shape as the one ya just shoved up.”

Visit www.shoveastoneupyourfanny.com or email iwantababy@shoveastoneupyourfanny.com for more information.

It's A Cock Up

A robbery last night in Hankypankyville, in BOOBS (Bank of Ordinary Building Societies) has left the town in shock.

Men in tight door coloured trousers, wall coloured jumpers, ceiling coloured shoes and floor coloured hair entered the BOOBS on the main street. They had Barney the Dinosaur masks covering their faces, which are still available in Smyth’s toy shop.

The leader of the masked men demanded €2, saying he’d shoot his big gun. The teller happened to be very sexy that day (unlike that Simon bloke, who works there on Tuesdays). Her juicy, full, bouncy BOOBS (and by that we mean that she owned boobs) slyly popped the button on her bikini she was wearing, which revealed them.

Well, all that was left was for his button to pop! He got a randy willy. His tigglewiggle wacker went as straight as a radiator and as hard as hard can be. Unfortunately for him, the panic button that people press when bad things happen in BOOBS was on the outside of the counter, and his large ankle spanker pressed it like before!

The gardaí put the man’s one eyed trouser snake in cuffs, and to make sure that he didn’t get away, the proud garda put his own John Thomas into the other cuff. The man was banned for touching BOOBS ever again. Eye witnesses were interviewed afterwards. Mr Dick Semen said, “Gosh, I think that was a right cock-up of the robbery of BOOBS”.

Nimmo(good)

Thanks to Nimmo we can now say that he has no penis.

The Headlines

Breaking News

It's now 01:40 and I'm sitting here. Finn had to go home due to blah blah Dad. I just watched "The Incredibles". It's quite a good film, the funny bits are funny and the good bits and good.

I 'll keep you all posted on that issue as it develops.

The time is 01:43 and I'm a little tired. I'm cracking my wrists which I sholud stop doing. I may go to bed soon and listen to Pearl Jam.

I am going to Newry tomorrow to visit the dentist. I also may buy some cheap CDs while I'm there because I like buying CDs that are as good as my like of buying them.

News just in, my hand is now itchy, I repeat, my hand is itchy!

That's all the time for tonight. Here's a summary of tonight's main headlines:

We get movie-Finn byebye coz Dad, "No". I see movie. I--Newry--Dentist--Cds mmmmm.

Me--tired--Pearl Jam mmmmm. Hand itchy.

Join me again for the news again some other time when I have news worthy of being news on the news.

Good evening.